You could tell something was off. He was becoming distant, pulling away, and building up his walls. Something had changed in such a short amount of time, leaving you with a million questions. Why is he pulling away? Did I do something wrong? So you attempt to get closer to figure out the problem, all the while he pushes you farther away until he realizes he can’t put it off anymore. So he tells you.
“I think you are a great person and any guy would be lucky to have you, but ___________”
“It’s not you; it’s me.”
“I’m just not ready for a relationship, but maybe in a couple years we’ll be together.”
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”
All the lines you’ve heard before that don’t give you any hint as to why he decided you weren’t right for each other.
It had all seemed so perfect though. You invested so much of your time and energy into caring for this person and building a dream of what life could be like together, only to have the magic carpet ripped out from under you. You go into shock, hoping that by denying it, it won’t be real. Hoping that tomorrow you’ll wake up and see a text from him saying “Good morning Beautiful” and the nightmare will fade. But you wake up the next day to nothing and reality hits you… hard.
You blame yourself, thinking that if you had done this better or that better he may have stayed. A kaleidoscope of thoughts dance through your head like a movie trailer replaying all the moments you wish you could go back and change. Yet you can’t rewind and even if you could it probably wouldn’t change anything. Sadness and lethargy overwhelm you. Your only request is that you could stay in bed indefinitely in hopes of escaping this painful reality.
Then the anger comes… You can’t believe you trusted him with your heart. You are angry at him for hurting you, but also at yourself for trusting that he wouldn’t. You feel so stupid for being blinded by his charm. So you run farther, lift heavier, and push yourself harder hoping to get rid of your anger.
Months go by and as the time passes you think of him less and less every day. You won’t deny the pain he caused you, but you realize it’s not the end of the world. That there are greater things to put your time and energy into. So you take up a new hobby and start trying things you never thought you had time for. You discover you are quite the poet, and your ability to rap is off the charts. You begin to truly let go.
Even so, break-ups are never easy. Yet all the pain and hurt you feel means that they really meant something to you. As Alfred Lord Tennyson wisely said, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Love is scary… it’s giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting that they won’t. But love is worth it. Entering any relationship, whether dating or friendship, there is always the possibility of it not working out. Yet, don’t be afraid to take that risk. Next time you’ll just have to be a little more careful with your heart. ❤